A year from now you will wish you had started today.
Don’t know where that came from but I read it this morning. Which made me look back at myself a year ago. And a post from a year ago.
That was a hard truth. But since that time I didn’t take action. I faced the truth and then kept slippin’
You think I’m slippin’ bitch, I’m slippin’.
It was easy street for me all year. I was liked by everybody, I hung out with them whenever possible, I did the family couple thing. I tried to be liked by everbody. You know what it got me. Self hate. I don’t like how I feel now. I have let myself become them. This is why I am up at 5a.m. as this is what worked before. It got me going. The only way for e to stay awake was to have something to do in the morning and do it.
This morning push ups, sit ups, squats, and shower. And of course writing this. I am building a business as I am working on my family and myself.
Check in two.
What I saw when I looked backed
I saw a man who was on his way to physical happiness, a man who was working on developing self. I at that time was happy with myself. My wife was having self doubts, and doubts about her looks. I would miss social gatherings for the gym, or not drink at all at outings. I am not as social when not drinking. I am always aware of my surroundings and very critical of them. Alcohol numbs this. With her doubts came my letting go of my self development. I don’t think I did it on purpose to fall bac to the level where she felt comfortable with me, or subconsciously, but I did it. I realized that whenever I am getting in really good shape, she becomes not herself and wants me to fall back. She speaks frequently of what the other people who see us together must think about her and I. How I am viewed as so much better than her, andno one can understand why we are together….
Granted, I did cheat on her before and those feelings probably come back.
But, that is what happened from my view last year. As I gained weight, everyone made excuses for me. Winter, age, wedding…or my favorite
“that’s just life.”
As if hey had no choice in the matter. What made it worse for me, is I had a choice and I was choosing to become what I hated. I chose , on purpose, on fucking purpose, to eat like shit. Stop working out. Drink often.
I fucking chose it.
That is why the beginning quote was meaningful for me. In a year ,if I don’t start today, I will look back again , and say “what the fuck did I become.??Done for now.